I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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