Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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