My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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