I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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