Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
