I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
