I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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