I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
