I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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