i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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