I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
