woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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