He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
