At least make sure they are 18
Why
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
