I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my poor anus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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