I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
