i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
