Can Purell be used as lube?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
