boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
