I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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