3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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