the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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