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• (212): View more from New York

  ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.

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• (845): View more from New York

  she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...

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• (916): View more from California

  You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.

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• (310): View more from California

  The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry

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• (716): View more from New York

  If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster

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