I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
