Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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