the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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