Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
