dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
