I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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