My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
