So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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