I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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