I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
