5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
