she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
