So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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