Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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