I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
