You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Panties = found
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
