I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
