my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
being pregnant is like rehab
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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