Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
