Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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