She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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