Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
