dude i'm inner monologue high
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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