Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
