just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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