i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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