Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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