erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
