I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
