just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
