are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
