you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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