I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
