Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
