Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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