I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
