i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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