so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just invented taco cereal.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
