I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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