There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
