is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
